Enjoying Life

I had a dream last night. Ferris Bueler was trying to teach me to enjoy life. And what did I do?... I tried. Yes, I tried to hard. I got on a motorcycle and I stalled 3 times. I was TRYING to enjoy life and found it difficult. When I woke up it dawned on me. Enjoying life ought to e easy. But also, when life is difficult, it is so because I am making it difficult for myself. I meditated today and feel quite happy just to be alive and breathing, to be healthy, to have a frige full of food and friends whom I love and love me dearly. For love, I am most thankful.

Meditation (continued)

Stretch first.Sit comfortably.Take deep breaths.Relax.Imagine relaxation taking place in waves... top to bottom.Inhale - wisdom.Exhale - anxiety.Inhale - faith.Exhale - fear.Inhale - love.Exhale - anger.Appreciate every breath.Appreciate the peaceful quiet state of your mind.Appreciate any New Understanding or the preparation for New Understanding.Appreciate life.Dream.Live your dreams.

Meditation (How a Jedi lives life)

Meditation: ANXIETY:Since I was little, I've always been called "a procrastinator, a lazy-dazy, a daydreamer, etc." And when I got to college, I was tagged with the ADD title. And I realize that most of my life, I've always believed that it does not matter WHEN things happens so much as THAT they happen. Defeating anxiety is a puzzle and I see many different strategies for diffusing anxiety, (for example daydreamers play through every imaginable scenario for a situation and spend much time meditating). I shall do this but I also have a secret weapon... FAITH. It somehow stimulates my intuition. I'm not saying that "FAITH works" because putting FAITH in FAITH is testing faith... which does not work out in our favor. But when we put our faith in the right place there is no anxiety. I can't say what "the right place" is. Deep down, we know what's right in each situation, because we are not afraid of the truth. FEAR:Dreamers have no fear. Fear of the unknown is difused by UNDERSTANDING. "Seek and ye shall find." We must admit when we are nieve and must quickly seek the missing knowldge. Also, we must always look at things/situations for what they ARE and not WHAT they seem to be. TRUTH is our greatest weapon. We are as proud as we are humble. We are as strong as we are weak. Therefore, we must never ever be afraid of the truth. ANGER:Typically, anger towards friends is the result of ENVY. And anger towrds enemies is the result of DISGUST or DISAPPROVAL. Typically. In any case...We should not envy those who disgust us becuase they live in thier own hell. Injustice angers me, so the emotion WILL and DOES exist but it can be difused with RATIONAL THOUGHT. Furthermore, ACTING IN ANGER is never to occur unless the ACT is MEDITATION. Regarding friends... True friends do not have anger towrd one another. Friends live in peace and communicate openly and honestly if disapproval is met. For example, intervention is a tool in the event of a disapproval. With NO ANXIETY, NO FEAR, and NO ANGER, we are "chill" to the max. It's a great place to be. Living a good life is as easy as it is difficult and it is as difficult as it is easy. *tink"Be thine own judge first."

Update

My last post was a long time ago (2004) so I have updated my LJ profile. Please check it out.

Wow, so I gue...

Wow, so I guess the last time I posted was May. The months pass so quickly. People ask me, "how long have you been out of school?" or "how long have you known this person?" and I really can't say. When someone says "that clock is wrong," it doesn't bother me. I don't really need to know. The longer I can go without needing to know the real time, the happier I am. Anyway...I have been thinking about what it means to live a life that is good. I'm talking about self-reflection and character. When we fuck up, we think about these things (morals and ethics) ... but for how long, really? I mean we aren't always honest with ourselves, so how seriosly do we take our self-judgement. Self judgement should be our very first practice. How can two men live in peace if both men judge each other or if one man judges the other? Too much attention is payed to fairness and not enough attention is payed to truth. To thine own self be true. -ShakespeareSo if we are true to ourselves, then what do we have to fear? Nothing. Yet, too often we fuck up because we are afraid of the truth. Being lied to does not permit us to lie, nor does being cheated, permit us to cheat, so long as we are our own judges first. I had to put these thoughts down in live journal before I forgot them. Plus, I know that I will need to take a good look at this again in the future... like before I visit my parents again. These kinds of thoughts are very easily forgotten. That's it for now. Maybe I'll rant again in another few months. *tink

new LJ wallpaper

Hi people...The wallpaper is new. It's Radiohead artwork. Yeah. *tink

spring break...

Hey,So we got our internet connection a while ago, but I still never got connected. I gotta get some wires or a wireless thingie or something. But I can get onto LJ from time to time. Oh and I went to Atlantic City this week which kicked ass. The casino's are really kinda depressing and dull at 3AM on weekdays, but my friends and I won some money so we're all happy. With cable now hooked up, all my friends and I watched Adult Swim on Sunday in my room. I feel so special! Yey! What else... oh yeah, our first house party (last week) was a great success. It fuckin rocked! That's all I want to say for now. Peace!*tink

Moved

Hey guys. I moved to a beautiful HUGE new house with all my best friends. I've been away from LJ (which is not a bad thing) because I've been moving and shit. We'll get our Interweb connection on Monday. Yey! I'm so happy. This house is awesome! *tink

Take the online test...

There is this really cool test one of my friends posted. It's like a personality test or somethin. It's called the 3 Sides of You Profiler. Here is the site. Just click on the little puzzle icon that says 3 Sides of You. Have fun. http://ansir.com/I'm feelin kinda blah today, so I'm going to go back to taking my nap. But I took the test. It was fun.I'll post my answers as a response to this post... just cuz... cuz I damn well feel like it. :) Later*tink

Today ha...

Today has been a very musical day. I met a girl who can make a trumpet sound with her lips. (I thought she was playin a trumpet... and then I turn around and I see her making this strange face with her lips pressed and her eyes tightly closed... makin a trumpet noise!) And she could scat really well too. And when my buds and I are just sittin around at home, we just sing or drum shit. Yeah, baby. Love is in the air in that "hangin out with your friends kinda way" but it's always that way. Valentine's day is no different than any other day here. Oh yeah, the post office is exploding with mail. Tax stuff is due tomorrow plus there's the Valentines day rush. This means... be nice to your postal workers. My dad is one of them. It's not as bad December but it's a REALLY BAD time at the post office for the workers this week. bye.*tink

Today ha...

Today has been a very musical day. I met a girl who can make a trumpet sound with her lips. (I thought she was playin a trumpet... and then I turn around and I see her making this strange face with her lips pressed and her eyes tightly closed... makin a trumpet noise!) And she could scat really well too. And when my buds and I are just sittin around at home, we just sing or drum shit. Yeah, baby. Love is in the air in that "hangin out with your friends kinda way" but it's always that way. Valentine's day is no different than any other day here. Oh yeah, the post office is exploding with mail. Tax stuff is due tomorrow plus there's the Valentines day rush. This means... be nice to your postal workers. My dad is one of them. It's not as bad December but it's a REALLY BAD time at the post office for the workers this week. bye.*tink

flashback

I had a strange memory this morning. I remembered having the goal of "being popular" in elementary school. And somewhere around middle school, I learned that all I had to do was be nice to people. Hmm, I dunno... I guess that Columbine gun-slinging duster boy had different idea. What can I say? The kid had spunk.*tink

The Meaning of Life...

Hi people,I have always known that I've been fascinated by personality. I feel as though I have a hightened perception of my own as well as other people's personalities. But recently, (as you may have guessed) I have realized that those who call themselves mentally ill are also quite fascinating to me. I'm not a twisted sicko who gets off by talking to crazy people. (However, if you want to call me a twisted sicko because I'M crazy, that would be ok. You can think whatever you want to think.) But actually, I've discovered that the mentally ill are (at least from my perception) gifted. I've learned a lot from talking to people who are suffer from mental illness. I'm not being insensitive by saying the things I've said. I feel very bad for those who actually SUFFER. I too have suffered, but I have learned in my own life, that I am capable of reaching various levels of crazy when I just "let go" and stop caring about what other people think. In fact, if I DO care about what other people think and I conform to all of the social norms, and I don't cause any trouble... well, then life seems pointless, because I'm obsessing over what does not matter. I feel that it is really important for people to get to KNOW THEMSELVES before getting to know ANYTHING ELSE. We are all part of this world, whether we'd like to be or not. And the world (the universe, if you will) allows us to see, hear, or just experience things that no one else has access to. Life is meant to be ENJOYED. That is what the IDIOTS out there fight for... even die for... (and in so doing, they'll even take away other people's right to enjoy life.) It's idiotic. Look at the mess they've made of this place we call earth! You see, the difficult thing about being mentally ill (at least for me) is that it often feels like I can't turn off my brain. I just keep THINKING and my thoughts keep me awake at night. If the thoughts are sad ones, I am what the doctors call "clinically depressed." It sounds sad, but actually, the saddest part about that is the fact that they are calling me "clinically depressed." If my moments of existential horror keep me from sleeping or if I feel like I have no energy, then seeking out doctors who are just going to "diagnose" and "medicate" me may actually delay my process of getting well. (I am strong inside. They have no idea how strong I am. Talking to friends or councelors helps, but only when I'm ready to talk.) My survival and my physical health are top priorities even when I am depressed. When they are not, that is when I will surrender a little bit of my freedom so that I don't do something stupid like run in front of a bus. Seeking out knowledge about whatever I am drawn to is a good start. Doing schoolwork seems pointless to me (luckyy for me, I'm taking the semester off), but I seem to really come alive when I go after the things that I am DRAWN to. Isn't that true of anyone? As for the rest of the time, I feel like the world is really a horrible place. But that does not mean that good things can't be found. Sometimes beauty just comes out of nowhere and invades my consciousness. That's because I'm open (or vulnerable) but it's not always bad. If I were not mildly insane, I'd miss it. I will be posting more about PERSONALITY, as I feel compelled. But before I do that, I just want to ask anyone who is reading this... What is your fascination/obsession? What are you DRAWN to? *tink

Talk to crazy people.

Talk to crazy people. It's very refreshing. Really. Oh, by the way, I count. If you want to talk to a crazy person, just ask me something. I wanted to get more people to talk on my journal so I started looking for schitzophrenics and people with personality dissorders. By the way, if it is of any interest to you, I'm not diagnosed with any of these. I'm only diagnosed with ADD. They don't know about anything else, and honestly, I'm happy with not giving it a name. I'm just crazy and so far, I'm pretty content to be so. And I KNOW that I'm not alone. *tink

What's wrong with us?

Maybe the WRONG things about us are not actually disorders but symptoms of our genius.

2 fucked up but fun...

hey people,here are 2 Fucked Up but fun movies about Personality...Being John MalcovichIdentity...and 2 Fucked Up but Fun movies about RelationshipsTwo Girls and a GuyHigh Fidelity yes, I like John Cusack. No, actually, I love John Cusack. But really, check out the movies and let me know what you think. In fact, High Fidelity is not nearly as fucked up as the other three here. If you're looking for something positive, stick to High Fidelity. The others are just really bizarre and fucked up, but they are good movies. oh and by the way. I'm going to visit Canada sometime soon... just to visit and check it out. No, I'm not kidding. *tink

2 fucked up but fun...

hey people,here are 2 Fucked Up but fun movies about Personality...Being John MalcovichIdentity...and 2 Fucked Up but Fun movies about RelationshipsTwo Girls and a GuyHigh Fidelity yes, I like John Cusack. No, actually, I love John Cusack. But really, check out the movies and let me know what you think. In fact, High Fidelity is not nearly as fucked up as the other three here. If you're looking for something positive, stick to High Fidelity. The others are just really bizarre and fucked up, but they are good movies. oh and by the way. I'm going to visit Canada sometime soon... just to visit and check it out. No, I'm not kidding. *tink

My Birthday Wish...

Tomorrow is christmas eve. So you can see why I don't like christmas. Here are some great movies to watch, if you successfully avoided christmas this year. Bowling for Columbine Grass, (a documentary on Marijuana w/ Woody Harrelson)South Park, The MovieAlso, the new SouthPark episodes on Wednesdays ROCK. Download the one's you've missed and tape the one's to come. And then try to catch "Return of the King" in theatres or however you will. But seriously, I have a birthday wish. When you get stoned, and understand what these movies mean... put the bowl down for 2 seconds and let me know what you think. then, use your voice, paint on the fucking bridges, rally, write, sing, boycott, have parties and spin fire, and let me know what i can do to help. this world is really fucked up. my friends have noticed that i've been very sad lately. It's not my ex, it's not "seasonal depression" (gag)... it's because of things that we read about in the news. let's do something, and then we can all sit around with no worries and smoke in OUR free nation. If that dream is impossible, then let's all just move to Canada. Please? I'm serious. *tink

Um...

In case you haven't noticed...I don't write in LJ too much. But I check shit every now and then. And I just found out that some more of my "hippie" friends use this thing. So drop a note if you're bored. I'll read it 10 weeks later and we'll laugh about it together. *tink

About the wallpaper...

Yup, that's really me. I took my photo and photoshopped it up, giving myself wings like tinkerbell. I'm mentioning it because I don't want anyone steeling it thinking that it's just some shit I downloaded. It's copyrighted, so if I see it anywhere else, you're dead. That said, nothing exciting today. I've just been working on this background pic all day. I'm going to get out of here to do something fun. See ya all at the cafe. Bye. *tink

Adult Swim

BAD NEWS: I'm without cable for the summer! That means no Adult Swim. I really fuckin miss it. I gotta wait until September to get my Swim back on. GOOD NEWS: Still smoke free :) *tink

blackout of 03

Today is the Blackout of 2003! Yey! Ok, so I'm in New Jersey where this is (obviously) some power, but New York City is still out. And they are all comming here! You see I have plans tonite to go out to a bar right by the trainstation. It may be chaotic, or it may be interesting. In any case, I immagine the bars will be pack with New Yorkers. And I bet they'll all be smoking like chimmneys too. Nothing much more to say... except that the news was saying that there were no brown outs. That's not true actually. Parts of Jersey have been getting brownouts or short blackouts for the past three days. Two days ago, I was at the diner when we lost power for an hour. So we ate to candlelight and got free lukewarm coffee. Good luck New Yorkers. I'll see you at the bar. Peace.*tink

Amelie

Amelie literally melts my heart. Not just the movie... the person. The movie is extradordinary. But so is she. I sometimes have dreams of her. *tink

First day on LJ

I chose the name Tinkerbell because I'm a little pixie. Pixies fuckin rock! I don't like to go on about things that don't matter so I'll invite you all (whoever you all are) to post shit on here... whatever is on your mind. And I'll just start out by saying hi. * tink