The Meaning of Life...

Hi people,I have always known that I've been fascinated by personality. I feel as though I have a hightened perception of my own as well as other people's personalities. But recently, (as you may have guessed) I have realized that those who call themselves mentally ill are also quite fascinating to me. I'm not a twisted sicko who gets off by talking to crazy people. (However, if you want to call me a twisted sicko because I'M crazy, that would be ok. You can think whatever you want to think.) But actually, I've discovered that the mentally ill are (at least from my perception) gifted. I've learned a lot from talking to people who are suffer from mental illness. I'm not being insensitive by saying the things I've said. I feel very bad for those who actually SUFFER. I too have suffered, but I have learned in my own life, that I am capable of reaching various levels of crazy when I just "let go" and stop caring about what other people think. In fact, if I DO care about what other people think and I conform to all of the social norms, and I don't cause any trouble... well, then life seems pointless, because I'm obsessing over what does not matter. I feel that it is really important for people to get to KNOW THEMSELVES before getting to know ANYTHING ELSE. We are all part of this world, whether we'd like to be or not. And the world (the universe, if you will) allows us to see, hear, or just experience things that no one else has access to. Life is meant to be ENJOYED. That is what the IDIOTS out there fight for... even die for... (and in so doing, they'll even take away other people's right to enjoy life.) It's idiotic. Look at the mess they've made of this place we call earth! You see, the difficult thing about being mentally ill (at least for me) is that it often feels like I can't turn off my brain. I just keep THINKING and my thoughts keep me awake at night. If the thoughts are sad ones, I am what the doctors call "clinically depressed." It sounds sad, but actually, the saddest part about that is the fact that they are calling me "clinically depressed." If my moments of existential horror keep me from sleeping or if I feel like I have no energy, then seeking out doctors who are just going to "diagnose" and "medicate" me may actually delay my process of getting well. (I am strong inside. They have no idea how strong I am. Talking to friends or councelors helps, but only when I'm ready to talk.) My survival and my physical health are top priorities even when I am depressed. When they are not, that is when I will surrender a little bit of my freedom so that I don't do something stupid like run in front of a bus. Seeking out knowledge about whatever I am drawn to is a good start. Doing schoolwork seems pointless to me (luckyy for me, I'm taking the semester off), but I seem to really come alive when I go after the things that I am DRAWN to. Isn't that true of anyone? As for the rest of the time, I feel like the world is really a horrible place. But that does not mean that good things can't be found. Sometimes beauty just comes out of nowhere and invades my consciousness. That's because I'm open (or vulnerable) but it's not always bad. If I were not mildly insane, I'd miss it. I will be posting more about PERSONALITY, as I feel compelled. But before I do that, I just want to ask anyone who is reading this... What is your fascination/obsession? What are you DRAWN to? *tink